I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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