i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
