well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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