This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
