You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
