Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
