Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
