I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
