it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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