So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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