I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
