Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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