Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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