Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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