you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
