and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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