Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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