How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
