exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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