It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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