Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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