My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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