im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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