So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
