I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
