You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
