Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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