God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
