You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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