it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
