turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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