today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
