it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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