i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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