Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
