Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
