u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
