You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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