I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
