just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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