Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
