I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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