his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
