85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
