Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
