Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
