I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
