Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
