i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
