I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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