OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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