Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
