Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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