So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sick fucks of a feather flock together
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
