I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
