When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize