corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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