you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
