i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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