Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
