she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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