normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
