Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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