Who wears a wallet chain?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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