hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
