And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
